A Grand Ol' Sports Weekend

• Friday: I bust Pete Wilson's and John Wilson's ass in Madden. *Hint* Dante Hall will return a kickoff to the house 75% of the time.
• Saturday: Ohio State comes back to squash Michigan in Ann Arbor. Troy Smith really impressed me with his composure and Pittman(25) is a grown man. Tressel improves to 4-1 against the wolverines. This is why he got over 400 write-in votes for president of the U.S. in the '04 election. Ohio loves this guy. They better get a BCS bowl outta this. Cavs get a big W in Philly. LeBron drops a triple double and Hughes lights it up with 37 as the boys get their 7th straight win. I would be really excited about this, but they still have a bunch of defensive issues they need to address. UD closes out its season with a win over Villanova. Nice ending to a disappointing season.
• Sunday: Browns shutout Dolphins 22-0. Reuben went off for 166 and a touch. My favorite player on the Browns, Terrelle Smith(42), also got a touchdown. You'll never see someone happier and fired up to play football than Smith. My fantasy team is finally putting up some numbers despite my inability to pick the right starters.

Quick Hits

• Iron Hill sucks. Would it kill them to hire one more bartender? And not just one more bartender, but one more competent bartender.
• Laguna ended last monday. Predictably sappy episode. Next season should be interesting with an entirely new cast. The more seasons this show runs, the more pathetic and perverted I become. LC has her own spin-off show which is following her around L.A. as she tries to become more famous. Do I hear Playboy? Lets hope.
• Larry King Live and The Big Idea with Donny Deutsch have cracked my top 10 TV shows. I never thought I would start enjoying what my grandparents watch.
• Someone give me a job.
• I refuse to put a weather related icon on this blog. If you want to know what the weather is like, get off the computer and go outside.
• I also refuse to put a "counter" on this blog. It will only lead to depression.
• Juelz's new CD comes out this Tuesday Nov. 22. Go get 27 copies.
• I ran a 5k on Saturday. I hadn't run more than 100 yards in over a year. My legs will be in traction for the next week.
• This is my last mandatory post, but due to popular demand I will continue to update this shitty blog as often as possible.

Back to the sports bitches! Next topic!

• Quick note on the T.O. hoopla and then I'm done with it. Drew Rosenhaus is a lot smarter than people think. Realizing his client was getting totally dogged and risking his playing career with a future organization, Rosenhaus stepped into the "apology" press conference and took the spot light off of T.O. See, Rosenhaus realizes that it doesn't matter what people think of him, but it does matter what other teams think of T.O. He strategically took heat that should've been directed toward Owens in order to salvage what was left of his client. So far, Drew has not made a dime from T.O. But by making himself out as the bad guy, Rosenhaus has allowed other teams to rationalize why they should sign Owens. Then he'll see his money. Prediction? Rhein Fire signs T.O. for $1.2 million Euros.
• Ohio State dominates in win over Northwestern, moving up to 7th in the BCS. Good tune up for the showdown with the "team up north." Most people don't realize how big this rivalry is. In my opinion, it's the biggest in sports, hands down. In addition to its rich history, every year it ends up deciding the fate of the Big Ten title. Classic Woody Hayes story thats had many interpretations: On a recruiting trip in Michigan, Woody and an assistant coach ran out of gas 8 miles from the Ohio border. Woody got out and proceeded to walk 10 miles to the nearest Ohio gas station...passing by two Michigan gas stations along the way. Get 'em Bucks!
• We're over half way through the NFL season. The Browns need to start working on some things if they want to get to the post season. My Super Bowl prediction? Chargers over Eagles. Keep in mind my prediction at the start of the season was Pats over Falcons. We'll see how things play out.
• LeBron becomes the youngest player to reach 4,000 points. You know you're getting old when one of the top 3 players in the NBA is over a year younger than you are. On a side note, LeBron did personally invite me to his 21st birthday party at the Palms. If you need tix, just let me know. 18 to get busy, 21 to get dizzy...or you might like this analogy....18 to chill, 21 to spill.
• The cops with their new "zero tolerance" policy are ridiculous. If I wasn't 21, I would seriously consider transferring schools. How has Newark law enforcement still failed to realize that the UD students aren't beating each other up? It's the waste of life town-balls that chill in the Burger King parking lot just dying to get in a fight that are the problem. This should be the new policy: Cop enters house party. Checks to see everyone's student ID regardless of age. No ID, no party. Problem solved. I should be mayor.

We're going vice versa from last week and discussing non-sports related topics. Yummy!

• I missed my first episode of D.H. since the shows inception. And I don't care. That's a tell tale sign if a show isn't good anymore, not caring that you missed it and not being worried about catching up before next weeks episode. Hell, I get mad when I miss Seinfeld re-runs on TBS and Fox. "If you want the leg room, say you want the leg room. Don't blame the mechanism!"....respond with the name of the Seinfeld character and the episode and you'll win a box of Q-tips and a can of Barbasol.
• I was listening to the River 94.7's morning show the other day and John had an excellent take on Knight Rider. Just to refresh everyone's memory, Knight Rider was the show with the always sexy David Hasselhoff and his high-tech car Kitt. Now that you've all conjured up bad memories from Jr. High, we'll continue. Almost once an episode, Michael Knight and Kitt met up with their 18-wheeler maintenance van that basically served as a mobile command post. They met by means of traveling 70 mph on the interstate as Kitt would drive up a ramp that lowered down near the road. Here's the question. How the hell does Kitt not just take off and blast through the front of the truck's cab as soon as the front wheels hit the ramp? Think about it...initially both the 18-wheeler and Kitt are traveling at the same speed relative to the road, but as soon as Kitt's wheels hit the ramp, Kitt is now traveling relative to the 18-wheeler's ramp. Therefore, Kitt should absolutely blow through the truck, leaving Michael paralyzed from the neck down. I know many people will say how Kitt wasn't an ordinary car and that in addition to its flamethrowers and ability to talk, it could easily drive itself up a ramp. Screw that, you can't fool physics.
• New Juelz joint out. Fire! Listen here. Click on Rumble Young Man Rumble. Dipset!
• My latest TV picks: Grey's Anatomy is always a winner. Creative writing and storylines every week and a somewhat realistic look into a hospital. Plus, Meredith Grey/Ellen Pompeo/Chick from Old School, makes you feel that you might actually have a chance of hooking up with her. The Office is the leading comedy. It's so stupid, but that's what makes it so funny. Laguna's season finale is tonight. Not much has happened recently, except Jason is further solidifying himself as a total moron pimp. The kid can barely speak in complete sentences yet he's hustling the nicest pieces of ass all around Laguna. I'm proud of LC for not taking him back, even though I think she was waiting for him to frantically apologize so she could have an excuse.
• If a lady friend, that you might have a shot with, Facebooks you, what is the proper wait time to confirm her as a friend? Confirm too soon and you may look desperate but too late and you might come off as inattentive. 6-8 days? Give me your thoughts.

Switching it up this week. All sports related topics. No B.S.

• Tribe exercises 2006 option on Ronnie Belliard. Great move, love this guy. You can make all the fat jokes in the world, but he's becoming one of the better all-around 2nd basemen in the league.
• If you're a USC or Texas fan, start making hotel/air arrangements for Pasadena.
• Total boner call in the UF vs. Vandy game. The ref needed to take into account the relevance of the play at the moment of the game. Plus, Vandy hasn't won in the Swamp in over 50 years. Plus, it's kids playing football. Let em play.
• Duke is preseason #1 for hoops. UNC and Kansas not in the top 25. My pick to win it all?....'Nova.
• T.O. suspended for the rest of the year. There has never been anyone in the history of sports to put himself above the game and his teammates like this guy.
• Omar Vizquel wins his 10th Gold Glove with SF Giants. Ozzie Smith has been on record to say he doesn't think Omar should be in the HOF. Blow it out you know what, Ozzie. His stats (fielding and hitting) are better than yours and he still managed to make three all-star games while having to compete against Cal, A-Rod, Jeter, Nomar, and Tejada (4 of them will be in the HOF). Ozzie's strongest competition? Hubie Brooks and Rafael Ramirez .
• Pats v. Colts tonight. I got NE by 3 at the buzzer. Thank me later.
• Looks as thought the Cavs may become the Suns of the East. Score a lot of points, then get confused on defense. The only difference is the Cavs lose those games, while the Suns win them.
• The Blue Jackets have the second to last amount of points (8) in the overall NHL standings. The good news? They're not last in their division because the Blues only have 7. The glass is always half full boys and girls.
• I got my first fantasy win last week. Thanks to everyone who sent me a congratulatory email.
• The Browns got their first rushing touchdown since Ernest Byner and beat the Titans. Pop the Mo'.

Happy Halloween
What's scarier than Saw II? The first half grade I got for this blog. Apparently vulgarity and obscenity can only take you so far. NEXT!

• Sorry about the picture, it was the scariest one I could find.
• Speaking of Halloween...what's up with 99% of girls costumes? You either fall in three categories...1) Cat/Mouse/Bunny/Some "cute" animal 2) the Good vs. Evil theme Angel/Devil or Good Cop/Bad Cop 3) Cowgirl. I'm not complaining because this holiday's sole purpose is to allow girls to dress as provocatively as possible without other girls calling them sluts. But c'mon, you put on a pair of horns and a red top and all of a sudden you're satan? Halloween has lost its originality.
• White Sox win the WS. I thought I was going to feel good for them. I guess I was wrong.
• Browns lost to the Texans, to the Texans.....to the Texans. Yes, to the Texans.
• The Jackets have climbed into 3rd place. Never too early for their playoff push!
• Grey's Anatomy is the new show. DH is out. Grey is in.
• NBA season gets underway tomorrow. Buy stock in Armani and look for the new line of Roc-a-Wear suits.
• Killa Cam gets shot and spits on a remix record 5 days later. That's why I rep for the Dipset. Check it out here.
• Talan is the epitome of a loser. How do you fail to graduate high school in Laguna Beach? All the other characters seemed to do it easily. Classic loser response too..."I don't even care. I'm just going to get my G.E.D. Just as good." No it's not. Getting a GED is admitting you're a moron. If you don't get the GED and then start your own business and become successful, at least you have a rags to riches inspirational story. But he's obviously not coming from any rags. His best bet now is to start selling coke hardcore and get locked up for 3 years. That way he comes back with some street cred.
• Professors who take attendance at 8 am classes have no soul.
• Why did it take so long for sex offenders not being allowed to pass out candy to become a law?
• The Blogger spell check is the worst in corrective spelling assistance history. Prime example...it doesn't consider the word "blog" as a word.
• Short blog, move to come on Wed.

For starters...Michelle Wie has to wear this to the next LPGA event, right? For those who aren't following with the joke, read me. Little something different this week, I'm feeling saucy and I'm going to start with Quick Hits...

• White Sox advance to World Series, 'Stros hold 3-1 lead over Cardinals heading into tonight. Look for Houston to move on tonight, then the Sox to win the WS in 5 games with a total of 25 runs scored between the two teams. I've honestly been rooting for the south-siders since the playoffs began. Having the Indians win the division by 46 games next year will be that much more rewarding if the White Sox win it all this year.
• The greatest college football saturday I've ever watched. Michigan scores on final play to beat Penn St. Florida St., Louisville (3OT), and Cal all upset. Wisconsin blocks a punt to win. UCLA wins in overtime to remain unbeaten. Oh yeah, USC/ND played in a pretty good one too. Bush is the second coming of The Juice.
• D.H. Review. Know what? This show sucks now. STOP STARTING NEW STORY LINES WHEN YOU ALREADY HAVE 26 LOOSE ENDS. It's almost as if the writers began scripting the new season without any idea of the direction they wanted the storylines to go and just said "Screw it, we're writing new ones." If it wasn't for the constant shots of Eva Longoria's cleavage, I was willing to bid this show adieu. Then again, I'm all talk and will be ready for next week's episode with a beer in hand.
• The Blue Jackets have done a great job competing to be the worst team in the NHL. They've played six games, yet have two points. The Browns got smoked by the Ravens 16-3. With the Lions coming to town next week, getting back to .500 is not out of the question. On a bright note, the Buckeyes rallied to defeat Mich State. Special Teams and big plays are a bitch.
• People on campus must be taking notes on this blog because I've got nothing to report in terms of clown behavior.

Powerball jackpot jumps to $340 million.

• What you could buy with it...17 trips to space, 6415 '06 Hummer H2, 0 NFL teams (the Vikings is listed the cheapest at $658 mill), and a lot of gum.
• It's funny how when you and some friends buy tickets you're convinced you're going to win. So you start seriously deciding what you're going to do with the money and how awesome your life is going to be post-powerball. You even start acting like you already won...blowing off class, running a three digit bar tab, buying hookers, going to A.C., putting a down payment on a 9 bedroom house, etc. Then, when you lose, you're absolutely devastated and realize your life sucks again and you must continue school. Anyway, when I win, this is the top 10 of what I'm buying (no particular order)...1) a new pair of jeans 2) a new pair of sneakers 3) Indians season tickets 4) a batting cage 5) a new shower curtain 6) a bottle of Sizzurp 7) the #7 lunch at La Tolteca 8) refill the CO2 tank for the kegerator 9) 3 packs of Upper Deck baseball cards 10) a 1 lb. box of Mike & Ikes

Jeff Garcia is doing the nasty with this woman

In case you're not sure who this woman is, it's Carmella DeCesare. Playboy's '04 Playmate of the Year. I was recently watching an episode of The Girls Next Door, a terrific new reality show on the E! Network that follows around a few gals from the Playboy mansion, when Garcia suddenly appears. It was Carmella's birthday and some of the other playmates were throwing her a party at the Palms in Vegas. Ms. DeCesare arrives, with Jeff, the subtitle under Jeff is, "Jeff Garcia-NFL Quarterback-Carmella's Boyfriend." This is a mug shot of him after he got arrested for a DUI, blowing a .237%. This is a picture of her being a dime. This doesn't make sense. If you're confused as to why this guy going out with this girl is such a big deal, read more here. Moving on...

Quick Hits

• The Browns win again and improve to 2-2 after defeating the lowly Bears. Face it Pec, your team is miserable. Meanwhile, the Cavs look pretty good in the preseason. I have a strong feeling LBJ is going to silence all those critics who say D-Wade has trumped him as the better player. Look for 30-8-8 this year from King James.
• In other NBA news, Amare Stoudemire is out for 4 months. Finally, we'll get to see who the real MVP of the Suns was last season, when Nash is without his number one offensive option and can no longer oh-lay everyone on defense; expecting Amare to pick him up with a block.
• Last night's ALCS game. THE BALL HIT THE GROUND. It's quick, but the ball glances off the dirt. The umpire made the right call. It's unfortunate that the rules are not clearer in terms of calling an out/foul tip vocally vs. signaling it with a arm gesture. Either way, Scioscia himself said that one play shouldn't have beat them. Side story: I met last night's hero, Joe Crede, 7 years ago at the Carolina League All-Star Game. Nice guy. You wanna see a large gathering of women in their 30's desperate to get laid? Just go to a minor league all-star game gala.
• Hot new site for all you hip-hop fans. All the new videos, and ones not yet to air, here.
• Laguna Recap: everyone's last prom, Kristin blew off Talan, Alex and Jason hooked up again, the limo had spinners, Taylor's boy rocked a hawky, Talan is a queen (of drama that is). Overall, not exciting episode. Next week looks good, as Jason steals Stephen and starts canoodling with LC.
• D.H. Recap: This show is starting to spiral downward. Susan is pissing me and getting annoying. Bree's mother-in-law is a horrible character. Carlos and Tom aren't in the show often enough. The Applewhite's are shady bastards. Everything is going right to hell. Also, what was the deal when Bree was taking the lie detector test? She was watching the results of the test as she was taking it!?!? The law enforcement in this town has lost all credibility. D.H. better pick up by the time Family Guy returns on Nov. 6th.
• Couple stories about my classes....I'm currently taking an elective, MAST 200- The Oceans, in which 90-95% of the students are freshman. Five of them had UD Crew jackets on today. You might as well put "I'm a Loser" on the back of your jacket instead. Is there anything else more obvious in college that signifies you as a loser than joining the crew team? Absolutely no experience or talent necessary, just the eagerness of being a freshman who lacks the ability to make friends and figures this is a perfect opportunity to gain both friendship and "cool" status on campus. Memo: that jacket doesn't make you cool all of sudden, neither does performing the same rowing motion 2,000 times at 5 am. Things that DO make you cool: drinking Mad Dogs and Beast Light, stealing stuff, blowing off class, selling drugs, being Denzel Washington, not being Jake Moloznik, betting on sports, shooting guns, wearing a leather jacket, giving the middle finger in pictures, driving a 1980s IROC-Z, going rawdog, cussing, and of course smoking Marlboro reds. It should be noted, however, that doing any of these things in excess will make you a loser.
• My other elective, GEOG 101, is also a similar ratio of freshman. This class is as cake as it sounds. The other day I get an email from the professor he sent to the entire class stating, "in response to the high demand for tutors..." Uhhh, this reminds me of a scene in Tommy Boy... "And... what about seat belts? To fasten, take the little end and stick it in the big end and... you know what? If you guys don't know how to use a seatbelt, just ring your call button and Tommy will come back there and hit you on the head with a tack hammer because you're a reeetard." Seriously, if you need a tutor for this class, you're going to have a lot bigger problems down the road.
• Classroom ettiqute critique: The rudeness of most students shocks me. Scenario: Two minutes until class ends. One person starts to pack his/her books up. Next thing you know, the entire classroom is getting their belongings together and the professor is having to yell over top of everyone as they don't pay attention. This is the epitome of being an asshole. Show some respect to the teacher.